Recently Piece did a video on what Autism has taught him and I have vowed to make my own responses to his videos so here I am. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to do this blog, on the contrary, I am kind of excited to do it, but the list of what Autism has taught me is longer then a seasoned, career criminal's rap sheet! The truth is, Autism has changed my life in some of the best, and not so great ways. It has been a driving force in helping me to become a better wife, friend, mother and over all person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Autism is the greatest thing ever and that there is nothing difficult about it because that's not true. Actually, I wouldn't with Autism on anyone, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't taught me more then I could have ever expected or brought me joy.
I think the first thing that Autism, or maybe just plain parenthood, has taught me is that I'm a hypocrite. Really, I am, or at least I was. So much of what I have learned came from the realization that I was preaching and teaching my son these lessons that, while I found them valuable and really believed in them, I wasn't living myself and I have never been a fan of the "Do what I say, not what I do" school of thought so I set out to at least appear to live, or try to live, the very lessons I was teaching him. At least the big ones (I mean, in all honesty, I'm not against ice cream for breakfast every now and then)! So, I guess the first lesson would be to actively live the way you want the others around you to live. It's not enough to talk about it or complain. You've got to learn it yourself, live it and spread it! From that great lesson, the others followed. These are just a few (in no particular order) of the many lessons Autism has taught me over the years.
Autism has taught me patience. Patience was never my strong suite and my son could chip away at the patience of the most even tempered and patient of them all! But while he struggled to control his temper, I was loosing mine. When I was preaching taking a deep breath and being patient, I was holding my breath. I think the hardest part was not understanding him and why he was doing what he was doing. All the while, I didn't even realize that my lack of patience, especially with my lack of understanding, I was hindering my ability to gain understanding. In time I made it a point to embark on the journey with my son to find our patience and even though we are still on that journey and we most likely always will, we have come a long, long way and can honestly say we are not the most impatient people known to man any longer!
Autism has also reinforced my belief that everyone has their own story and one of the greatest gifts we can give to another, and ourselves, is allowing the to share with us their story while offering our story back to them. These stories are deep and involved. They are personal and leave us all a little vulnerable and being entrusted to be a part of and know others' stories is a privileged that should not be taken lightly. Further more, until we know their story, we should not place judgment. We may, as human nature tends to encourage, form our own opinions, but those should not be set in stone, they should be open and altered in response to more information and experience offered to us.
Autism has taught, or rather, shown me a strength within me that I used to admire in others while feeling incredibly weak within myself. I didn't know how to fight the very systems I was taught to believe in and had even once wanted to be a part of. I didn't know how to fight with a purpose without causing more damage. I can't honestly tell you that I'm really good at that today, but I know I am far closer to the "really good" level then I was when I started!
Autism taught me to forgive myself. It has taught me to accept that, while I may not feel as if I did enough and I may believe that I would do things differently today if faced with the same circumstances, I did the best I could for who I was and what I had at the time and that is the most I could have given my son. Being a good mother doesn't mean doing it all and doing it perfectly. It means doing what you can with what you have while never ceasing to love your child with your whole heart. I did that, and as long as I remember that, I have nothing to feel guilty for. I've learned. I've grown as a person as has he and if I had I done things differently back then, we wouldn't have had those things to learn from and help us grow.
But, possibly the most important thing Autism and my son has taught me has been to embrace who I am. Autism has taught me to embrace the quirks I have that the quirks of others and go with them. Autism has taught me to let my geeky, nerdy, freaky flag fly with pride with out fear of others disagreeing with me. It's ok if you don't love to read, if you never found the intense love for the Harry Potter world that I have found myself or if you don't like to play video games. It's ok if you don't live the Disney life. Even though I don't understand these choices, we can still be friends. That doesn't mean that I can't share my love in all of these things. And you know what? I'm happier that way. And the more I embrace those sides of me that I neglected before, the more my son embraces his quirks and his nerdy sides and the happier he is! That makes this one of the biggest lessons Autism has taught me, to accept and love myself without judgment.
So now that I've shared with you some of the biggest lessons Autism has taught me, check out what Piece had to say about what Autism has taught him here! But don't forget to let us know what Autism has taught you in the comments below!
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