When we decided to have another child, we had no idea how hard it would be to help ensure that our middle child felt seen and loved all of the time. But, as many of you know, having a child with Autism, a one year old and a NT child in the middle can be a struggle.
Over the last year or so I've tried to come up with ways to ensure that she feels seen every day, even around taking care of my child with special needs, my unbelievably determined toddler while running my own business from home. I guess that's why I loved the idea of Princess making a video about this topic was so inviting for me (I'll post a link to her video at the bottom of this blog when the video is uploaded).
So here are some suggestions to help your child who happens to have a sibling with special needs know that they are loved and noticed daily!
- Ask specific questions. Asking broad questions like "How was school today" is easy and all encompassing but it's also really easy to respond with a brief "fine" which is not even in the same zip code as informative! But when you ask things like, "What did you learn in this class" or "How was the test in that class" or even "How's that paper coming" shows that you know what is going on in their life, is interested and hearing about it and opens the door for real conversation. Of course, you may still get the generic "fine" response however it opens the door for some great conversation as well.
- Make their favorite meal or dish...and tell them you did it for them. Making their favorite dish or meal may seem like a normal thing but when you let them know that you made it because they like it then the act feels personal. It no longer feels just like you preformed your duties as a parent or caregiver, but that you were thinking of them and went out of your way to do something for them.
- Pick up small items while shopping- Okay obviously not every item you purchase is big, but make it a point to sometimes grab something just for them. A treat or maybe their favorite snack. Bypass the generic fruit snacks or Mac and Cheese for the ones in shapes of their favorite character. Grab that gallon of chocolate milk just because they like chocolate milk. Picking up small items when you find them, even if you don't get something for the other kids. If this is your practice and you ensure that you're doing so for all of your children, you can be sure to even it out while allowing each kiddo to feel special.
- Schedule time with them. While it's not always easy to find time without your auesome kiddos, sometimes scheduling time can help with that but using time such as when your child is in therapy or at school and their sibling isn't will work, too.During this time, make a regular trip to the ice cream shop or park or maybe another place that will allow the two of you to spend some special one on one time together while they are the center of your attention.
- Tuck them in at night. This may only take a few moments but taking time each night to tuck them in, tell them good night and you love them coupled with a hug and kiss can go along way! It offers another time to connect and put them in the center of your attention yet again.
- Make them a part of every day tasks. Our day is filled with every day boring tasks such as making meals, cleaning and laundry. Make them a part of it! Pull them into the room with you.Let them help you and open this time up to one on one dialogue. Not only does it promote learning valuable life skills, but lends itself well to sharing some quality time.
-Let them hear you brag about them to others. This illustrates that you not only see them, but are proud of them and, when they see others respond well, it reinforces that others see them, too!
- Tell them you love them every day. This may seem like a duh factor but sometimes we get so busy we don't take a second to be sure we've said it! Making sure to say "I love you" regularly, especially for no reason, will help them feel loved, even when life is crazy.
So there are some of my suggestions, what ideas do you you have? Let us know in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment