I know, here we go again! How many times do we need to talk about what NOT to say? Well, as many times as it takes until people stop saying the wrong things. Don't get me wrong. I know that sometimes people say things not knowing that they are offensive. However, that doesn't stop it from being offensive.
So, here we go, things NOT to say to a parent of someone with Autism (in no particular order).
- They aren't really Autistic! They just need insert thing here (which is generally something like "discipline, better parents, to not be spoiled or even to spend a week with them). Forgive me for being rude, too, but, are you a doctor? No. You don't know what it's like living with someone with Autism. You don't understand the ups and downs, the struggles and the melt downs. No matter how many times you tell me what I'm doing wrong, it doesn't change what I'm doing right or that, chances are, at some point, I tried what you're suggesting to no avail.
- Have you gotten a second opinion? Why? Because he's not Autistic enough for you? Yes, actually, I got a second opinion, a third and even a fourth! We've tried on a number of diagnosis and the only one that fit and made sense was Autism so no, I didn't go into this lightly. We didn't jump on the diagnosis bandwagon. This is very real to us.
- Everyone's Autistic these days. Well, not everyone. And the fact that it's becoming a more commonly used diagnosis doesn't change the reality or the truth of it. He is Autistic, again, not a just a passenger on a bandwagon we decided to jump onto.
- He'll grow out of it. Well, no. No he wont. With a lot of work and struggles, maybe we can minimize some symptoms but he will never wake up one day and not be Autistic.
- You baby him. I have heard that more times then I can count. Maybe I do a little but take a moment to understand. He may be 16 but he functions a couple of years behind his chronological age. He may be 16 but that doesn't mean anything when he's over whelmed or melting down. Maybe it loos like I'm babying him now, but wait a while and at some point you'll realize that there is a reason and it's not as much of me being over protective as me knowing my kid and seeing potentials to be concerned.
- Oh! He has Autism? I'm sorry!- Sorry for what? His Autism is a big part of what makes him....well.....him. I'm not sorry he has Autism. It's not a death sentence, it's a challenge but it brings a lot of joy, too.
- Aren't you worried that your other kids with have Autism, too?- I heard this a lot when I was pregnant. The truth is, yes, it's a thought that crossed our minds. Any good parent would be a little worried about that but the truth is, so what if they did? If they turned out anything like their big brother, l'd be the luckiest mom in the world! Autism isn't the end all be all. It's not a life sentence. It's an out of the box way of thinking. Bring it on!
- Well. It could be worse. It could be cancer.- Yes. Cancer is hard and it's bad. Autism isn't a promise of death. It's not as dangerous as cancer and it won't spread but Autism is still hard. It is still real and it does have a large amount of challenges. It's not a competition but, unless you understand what it's like to live with Autism, don't belittle it, either.
And there you go. A list of things NOT to say to a mother of someone with Autism. What are some things you'd add on to your list of things not to say to someone with/a parent of/a teacher of/ect.? Let us know in the comments!
Want to know what Piece said were some things not to say to someone with autism? Click here!
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